I know you've all been incredibly worried about my awful taste in men, and have been losing sleep wondering how you can possibly help me since I am your favourite blogger/cyber personality/delusional nutjob.
Well, worry no more, good people for I have figured out what the problem is. Bold letters for emphasis time:
I can't tell the difference between hot and creepy.
For example:
"I love you and want to be with you all the time. I want to know where you are all the time. Answer your phone. Why aren't you answering your phone? You're cheating on me, you bitch! I'll take you back though. Just tell me who it is."
Is not hot at all and is, in fact, rather creepy. I have only just realised this. Hmm.
And apparently, you shouldn't take a guy back after he trashes a hotel bathroom because you dumped him. It's not "a sign of his love", it's "a sign that he needs to be medicated".
And offers to go to Narcotics Anonymous just for you are not "sweet", they're "warning signs".
See, with the learning. I am so clever.
I am also learning that what may have seemed creepy is actually hot. Things like showing up when they said they would and treating you like they care and making the occasional romantic gesture are not signs of mental illness after all. No. Apparently, these are things the real, actual guys do when they love someone and want to make them happy. Who'd have thunk it?
Now, since I've learned a big important lesson, karma now has a duty to send me a boyfriend or I'm telling My Name Is Earl on it.
Oh, and 10 bonus points if you can tell me where the pic is from.
Posts
35 comments:
Some people find creepy guys hot.
I don't like the creepy ones myself, but they never seem to have a shortage of women. Gavin Rossdale is hot. Billy Bob(anyone named Billy Bob actually) is creepy. Denzel Washington is hot. Hugh Grant is creepy. See how this works?
~Mary
Oh Anna...
I'm back in the dating game again, after 13 years, and um...14 before that one - both of whom I still refer to as my "young mistake" and my "rebound mistake". Anyway, I've given the control of my dating life over to my dear sister-in-law, because I obviously suck at picking men.
I'm forwarding these words of yours to her for reference.
@ FrankandMary: I have to disagree about Rossdale, he seriously gives me the creeps. But Denzel...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. He makes me go to my happy place.
@ Angie: Honey, I'm so sorry to hear that, I had no idea. Email me if you want to talk.
Is that from Spellbound?
@ Tish Tash: Good guess, but no. So it wasn't really a good guess, but I'm trying out the being nice thing.
It's from "Night of the Hunter" with Robert Mitchum. I'll take those ten points. They ARE hotness points, and not creepy points I hope.
You are much smoother than I am. I have still not figured out what "Sleep with me and Leave" really means. I know it's a coded message, I'm sure it is.
If the meat counter is three days old, you won’t realize it until they bring in the fresh stuff so you have a comparison. It’s the same with men. If you are finding that you are trying to settle for three day/week/month/year/decade, old problem filled meat, (It’s incredible what people put up with.), it’s probably time to switch stores entirely. Hint: Stay away from dented cans that are always in great supply and always on sale; cheap.
Night of the Hunter? Stanley Cortez?
Someone trashed a hotel bathroom for you? How romantic! How passionate! (said the woman whose husband just farted on her.)
*sigh*
@ Kurt and Brandy: Well done! My 3rd favourite movie in the whole of ever.
@ Nikki: The only thing to do is keep sleeping with them till you find out the secret code.
@ Frank: Where has your advice been when I've needed it most? I'm putting you in charge of my love life.
@ SMU: Not so romantic when we had to sneak out so we would get billed for the damage.
Was it an under the cover then waft fart? Those are a sign of true love.
The creepiest thing my boyfriend has ever done was look at a pile of poop outside and demanded that I stop "leaving my poop piles all over the place dammit".
And then I punched him.
@Anna: PERFECT!! Just tell any potentials that your blogging buddy requires a current financial statement and credit bureau before they can be approved. And when they ask, tell them, yes, he is serious. I do this with my nieces and it tends to scare off the first level of riffraff.
I tread on the one between what's hot and what's creepy. This is why you love me.
Hot.
"I wrote you a song and an accompanying spoken word poem with arpeggios and vibrato and lots of general awesomeness" - Me
"That's so beautiful. Im touched" - Her
"What can I say. You're an awesome muse" - Me
Creepy.
"that guy in finance was a real dick to me..I dont know what I was thinking with him" - Her.
*thinks* "im gonna screw with his deskchair and swap his sticky stuff you turn pages with for loc-tite adhesive".
"Did you hear? Steve from finance fell out of his deskchair and fractured his hip and glued his hand to his stomach..."
"Tell him to play These are the breaks by Kurtis Blow then **** can happen by D-12. Tool."
@ Trodo: Sometimes they need to be punched.
@ Frank: It's a deal!
@ Cap: That's not why I love you. I love you because you're a baaPhone using hip hop head who can talk beats and lyrics with me. And also because you're grumpy.
It's from "Night of the Hunter" with Robert Mitchum. I just copied the answer from Kurt but you didn't say that only the first person to answer gets points.
@ Anna yea I pretty much figured I was going to have to become a whore to understand men and then I realised in a sudden snap that THAT is what men want. Us to sleep with them. It was like *SMACK* and then I understood.
oh i dated that guy.......he was uber creepy indeed. now I date no guys - life is a lot easier.
Trashing a hotel room? Did you dump Johnny Depp?
@ Nikki: You've got it figured out!
@ Char: Wise move. I've tried, but I just love men too much.
@ Walter: Are you kidding me? I would NEVER dump Johnny Depp!
Is it hot or creepy that I have "LOVE" & "HATE" tattooed on my fingers?
@ Fandango: It's half hot and half creepy, but I'm not sure which half is which. (nicely referenced by the way!).
Because I read the comments I know where the picture is from.
You have learned a few of the 641 lessons that have to be learned in a hostile world.
Please continue your study.
"I'll give up drugs for you"
No you won't. Ever.
I too cannot tell hot and creepy apart. Thats because lots of time being creepy is a little bit hot. Whereas, a lot of 'romantic' things are not hot at all. Like having someone write and then sing you a song? Sounds hot, but actually- kind of creepy and uncomfortable. Where are you supposed to look? What if he is a horrible singer/songwriter?
I'm thinking of starting a karma list because I like the idea of getting into hilarious hijinks with rednecks which are resolved within 22 minutes. Also, I'm going to get a cat and call him Mr Cat.
I saw your comment over on char's blog and even though I make them rather simple....I'm having a drawing for a free blog banner if you're interested!!!
You are hilarious. And you also apparently have a nice ass. I'm pretty sure you're female.
See? You can have it all!
Don't forget there are lots of Ms. Creepys as well. I've dated at least three. Not all at the same time, but....
That's an easy 10 points, the pic is of me...
The hotel trashing reminded me of Wodehouse's 'Uncle Fred in Springtime' where a crazy uncle destroyed a load of dining room furniture with a fire poker!
That picture is my dad trying to finally shut my mom up?
Too bad he missed and got her in the stomach.
I still have the damned scar.
@ Dr John: You mean there's more? Damn.
@ Insults: Exactly.
@ Prosy: I know, right. I had an ex who wrote a song for me, only he played thrash metal stuff. I didn't know where to look never mind what the hell he was saying.
@ Mr the Fella: You can be Randy!
@ Beth: Ooh, that sounds fun.
@ HumourSmith: Why thank you kind sir, and welcome.
@ Mo.stoneskin: Welcome to you too!
@ Mike: Scars are hot. I think.
@Prosy: You said you liked my song! And excuuuse me for not thinking to rhyme "start" with "heart" instead of "fart". Like I'm Shakespeare or something.
Everyone just thunks that I'm stupid cos I'm older and blonder.
I'm not.
I clicked on properties for that pic and it comes from here
/2.bp.blogspot.com/_5cOGtGhiMr4/SbfgO1kdwYI/AAAAAAAAAU0/Hu1O18pPIBc/s400/nighthunter.JPG
Can I have my ten bonus points now?
This is for Bingo right?
@ Belle: You get 20 points for extra sneaky cleverness. They can be exchanged for booze in any supermarket. Don't listen to them if they try to tell you it's shoplifting.
In my dating world I'm going to try to discern between intuition and need. Yes, it is not good to date someone because you want to get out of the house with someone other than your dog, even if he is erratic and thinks that you will always be there--no matter what.
Post a Comment