Hobjobbing!

So, yesterday, I made the mistake of letting my readers decide what today's post would be about by randomly picking 5 words from the dictionary and letting them vote for which one I'd write about.

Did they go for sailboat? Did they hell. No, my lovely readers chose "hobjob". Classy guys, real classy.

According to my dictionary, hobjob means odd job. According to Urban Dictionary, it means a blow job and a hand job at the same time. Or - now get this - "one who can float in very small sinks". Um... ok.

My first thought on seeing it was that it had something to do with offering sexual favours to a homeless guy (something Dr Zibbs thought too). But since I have never offered sexual favours to a homeless guy, except for that one time, I can't really write about that.

Google images it is then:

I got this

Then this


Then this

And suddenly, it all became clear.

What happened was, a woman really needed a Red Bull Fridge installed in her kitchen, but her husband was non-existent on account of her not being married and she wasn't very good with electrics.
On her way to the library to pick up some books about Installing Red Bull Fridges For Dummies, she spied a tramp breaking into someone's car and disabling the car alarm.

"Ah-ha!" thought the woman, "this guy knows how to work with wires and the like, I shall ask him to install my fridge in exchange for a warm meal because him being homeless clearly negates the need for me to pay him fairly and he'd probably spend the money on drugs thereby using up all the drugs that I might want to take this weekend and that's just selfish".

She asked the tramp and the tramp agreed because he had nothing else to do so why not.

So the tramp installed the fridge, but he thought the woman was ripping him off because he'd worked very hard and she had Dan Brown books on her bookshelf so clearly she was an inbred fool anyway, so he put a bottle in the fridge that was not Red Bull, but rather, his own urine.

Little did he know that a wandering puffin stopped by, and feeling thirsty, drank the tramp's urine.

Now, as everyone knows, the urine of tramps is a potent hallucinogen to puffins.

The puffin staggered out to the garden and who should he meet but the neighbourhood hedgehog?

But the puffin, tripping his nuts off, thought the hedgehog was Jessica Rabbit in a puffin suit and swiftly proceeded to go down on it, much to the hedehog's chagrin.

The woman came home, stepped into her garden and saw the neighbourhood hedgehog being orally abused by the tripping puffin and cried

"Oh, if only I hadn't gone near that hobo, this hedgehog would not be getting this unwanted blowjob!"

Over the years, this phrase because more and more abridged until it was just one word:

Hobjob.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the etymology of the word hobjob.