No, it's not for me (even though it is my 30th today - where's my cash?). This is a belated birthday post for my friend Dougie, who hid from me the fact it was his birthday earlier this month so I let it pass without so much as a text.
He's coming round to see me today to wish me Happy Birthday, and I feel all guilty because I didn't get to do the same for him so I wondered what the best belated birthday gift I could give him when I have no money.
Lightbulb over the head moment!
Dougie's a film buff and I make up weird films that should totally be made on here all the time - so, with a combination of all the films Dougie loves and/or would like to see made (including ideas I totally stole from films Dougie swears were really going to get made), here is your belated birthday movie Douglas (which has no poster because Dougie usually does the photoshop for me on those things and I couldn't exactly ask him to do it for this one).
Zombie Dinosaurs of the Third Reich (claymation version).
Tagline: Ve hav vays of eating your brains.
Plot: Hitler has been cryogenically frozen and shot into space, only to return to earth in a remote Scottish castle. It's here he finds the last remnants of Jurassic Park - except these dinosaurs are zombies, and they're armed.
Training the zombie dinosaurs to serve as his army, Hitler sets out to take over the world, only to find that one very hungover Simon Pegg is determined to stop him.
(script excerpt)
Hitler(riding on the back of a velocoraptor): I vill destroy you all!
Simon Pegg: Not if I have anything to do with it, you won't. To the pub for a showdown!
Hitler: And who might you be?
Simon Pegg: Josh Goldstei... I mean Gold. Josh Gold.
Hitler: And wat is zees strange, sad looking machine you hav?
Simon Pegg: This is Door-F. He is here to tidy up this planet from human pollution and his lonely yet hopeful attitude is a symbol of why we should all fight.
Velocoraptor: RAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHH!
(Simon Pegg smacks the velocoraptor on the head with a shovel. Hitler falls off).
Hitler: Scheizen!
(Suddenly, the strains of She Caught The Katie are heard in the background, as an old cop car comes into sight).
Hilter: And who the hell is this?
Jake Blues: We're on a mission from God.
Elwood Blues: It's 106 miles to the pub, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.
Jake Blues: Hit it!
(a stray T-Rex channels the spirit of Ray Charles and breaks into Shake a Tail Feather. Hitler has the shakiest tail feather of them all).
(end of excerpt).
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16 comments:
I would definitely watch this film. Probably twice.
awwww, did you throw in shake your tailfeather for me??? *flutter*
I'm still not sending cash
I'm not saying this is the perfect movie. But it's pretty much the perfect movie.
Also, Happy Birthday.
wow way to just glass over the fact its your thirtieth birthday!!!
thats a big one!!! happy happy birthday
I would pay big money to see Hitler riding on a velociraptor. Especially if he were wearing fishnet stockings. (I have issues.)
Happy Birthday!!!! (also belated wishes to Dougie :)
Happy birthday to both of yous!
Happy Birthday Anna, that sounds like a great movie!
Did Simon Pegg's fat mate play the velociraptor? They can't make a film without each other.
I'm impressed that you managed to get Simon Pegg to play the part. When you are filming could you hand him a few of my scripts for him to read?
It could be a thumping good sequel for the movie Downfall.
Pub for a showdown ? Plagiarism AND typecasting in one fell swoop. Congratulations, young lady.
I imagine Hitler on the velocoraptor a bit like one of those daft comedians with fake emus and fake legs hanging over the sides. Nothing like a bit of ridicule to cut a dictator down to size.
If you make the film, I'll do the French subtitles for a huge sum of money so that for your birthday following the release of the film in France, I can afford to give you cash.
P.S. Thank you (mille fois) for the Blues Brothers.
I'm not allowed to not comment on this, am I?
Thank you ever so much for being so sweet as to steal my thoughts last night and work them into a thing I can read back. You're adorable and I love you so much it makes me hate other people more just to balance it out.
As I told you earlier, today has been the most fun I've had for someone else's birthday, and your family is the bestest.
Thank you to your commenters for birthday words. You're too kind.
Brilliant. Except for one thing. The velociraptor would totally have a shakier tail feather than Hitler.
I would TOTALLY pay to see this film. Up to and including five bucks.
I used to have the album and posters. I was a huge fan of the BB's
Happy Birthday. The cheque is in the mail.
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